Really??? The Drug Test

I have learned that there is nothing that makes me feel quite as much like a criminal as having to do a drug test. Even if it's job-related.

This kind of thing seems to be a pattern. I had to get fingerprinted for the temp job I recently finished. And now, the part-time gig I've taken to bridge the gap between now and when I land full-time employment requires a drug test.

Here's the kicker: my job is representing a certain winery at in-store consumer tastings, only in the state where I live, consumers aren't allowed to actually taste the wine in the store. So I was drug tested for a job where I have zero actual contact with alcohol. Oh, and I have to undergo certification that I know how to card someone because I can't give tchotchkes with the name of the winery on it to anyone under 21.

Really??? Really.

So I go to the basement of a medical building along with former addicts and their children in order to pee in a cup. The grossest part, though, was the instructions: pee in the cup, do not flush, do not wash your hands.

Do not wash your hands?????? EWWWWWWWW!

I'm sure there is a good reason for not running water in the sink, but still....do you have any idea how many pee-covered hands must have touched that door handle? Plus as a girl, peeing in a cup gets a little...um...messy. I get pukey just thinking about it.

And yes, when they finally did let me wash my hands I scrubbed them raw. It took a gallon of hand lotion to make up for the layers of skin removed.

I suppose I understand why companies do drug tests, but what happened to good old fashioned observation? This test was particularly for meth. Now I'm not expert, but I'm pretty sure if I had a meth problem, you'd know it by looking at me. Right?

In any case, I survived and I'm hopeful that I didn't catch any diseases in the process. (blech) Some adventures I'd rather not have.